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W. C. Fields – 24 Quotes

 

24 Quotes by W. C. Fields

 

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

– W. C. Fields


The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

– W. C. Fields


Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

– W. C. Fields


When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

– W. C. Fields


I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

– W. C. Fields


Sleep – the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

– W. C. Fields


All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

– W. C. Fields


I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

– W. C. Fields


Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

– W. C. Fields


Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

– W. C. Fields


I like children – fried.

– W. C. Fields


I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

– W. C. Fields


Show me a great actor and I’ll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you’ve seen the devil.

– W. C. Fields


I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.

– W. C. Fields


Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

– W. C. Fields


Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

– W. C. Fields


A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

– W. C. Fields


It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

– W. C. Fields


Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

– W. C. Fields


If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

– W. C. Fields


There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

– W. C. Fields


You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

– W. C. Fields


No doubt exists that all women are crazy it’s only a question of degree.

– W. C. Fields


Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.

– W. C. Fields


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